I am wearing a tux to my cousin’s wedding this weekend.
This is not the first time I’ve worn a tux. This is not the first time I’ve worn a tux to a wedding. So what’s the big deal?
I am gay, and my entire super Southern, super conservative, super Christian family is going to be at this wedding, so it’s kind of a huge deal for me. I have been agonizing for weeks over this outfit because I want every detail to be perfect, even though I know that when I show up all anyone will see is that the gay girl wore a tux to the wedding. So why am I even doing this? I could just wear a dress.
This is me being brave.
Growing up I was the churchiest of church kids. I went to church school and my family went to church at least 3 times a week. That is not counting Bible studies and small groups and mission trips every summer and church camps and retreats… You get the picture. So you can imagine how it went when I came out as gay.
A lot of LGBTQ+ people who grew up in the church have a similar story. We were told our whole lives that God loves us unconditionally, but then when we come out we are told that we have to deny who we are in order for God to truly accept us. This is a huge lie.
If God created you, He created you perfectly. And if God has a plan and a purpose for your life, He created you perfectly for that purpose. By trying to be anything other than your authentic self, you are denying the chance to be who God created you to be and to do the things that He created you to do.
“Each person is given something to do that shows who God is…” I Corinthians 12:7
The thing is that sometimes it is scary as fuck to be who you really are when everyone is telling you that you should be someone else. I often struggle with the feeling that I am not enough. Enough for what? I don’t even know. Everything? If I am still single at 34, then I must not be enough for anyone else to love me. If I don’t have the life I want by this age then I must not have worked hard enough. If my family or “the church” still doesn’t accept my sexuality then maybe if I am just smart enough, pretty enough, successful enough, feminine enough, Christ-like enough, enough, enough, enough… Then I can make up for the gay part.
If this is how you feel you are not alone. But you should know that you are enough, exactly how God made you for exactly the purpose He created you for. You are already enough. You just have to have the courage to be. That’s why I am wearing a tux to my cousin’s wedding.
About the Author: Erryca is a gay, Christian, Instagrammer, writer, creator, encourager and human. She grew up in South Louisiana but has lived in lots of different places across the country. She currently lives in the Greater Boston Area. You should check out her Instagram @erobic and message her anytime you feel like you aren't enough.