Quarreling in Quarantine: When a Mother and Daughter Just Stop Speaking


It's day 14 of quarantine and believe it or not, I've thoroughly enjoyed the past two weeks. Why? Well because I have been blessed to have spent basically every moment of these past two weeks with my soul mate. 

When we first realized we were going to be holed up in her apartment for an indefinite period of time, I told her that this was probably going to be the most amount of time we ever get to spend with each other until we retire. I mean, even our honeymoon won't last this long. This realty has essentially launched us into a two week (and still counting) journey through our relationship. We are learning more about each other with each day and truly enjoying the act of just spending time together. 

Unfortunately, not everyone was happy with the amount of time we have gotten to spend with each other these last few weeks. One person, in particular was not only displeased, she was outraged. 

You see, two weeks ago today, I texted my mother and told her that I would be coming to Boston to stay with my girlfriend while the world sorted itself out. New York City was not quite as crazy and apocalyptic as it is now, but we both knew it was heading there and had decided it was best I grab my one eyed cat and head north where things were somewhat safer, and most importantly where we could be together should things get worse. 

When I told my mother this news, she replied as follows: "I am sad to say your grandparents and mother don't count anymore. If it gets worse we may never see ou again. I didn't think you could break my heart anymore but I was wrong. Go to Boston and pray for forgiveness." 

Yes, this is real life and yes this was verbatim. At first I was shocked. Then I was angry. Then I was sad. And now, two weeks later, I'm just numb. 

To make matters even worse, she hasn't reached out once since that text and I haven't said a word back. What does one say to that? "I'm sorry that my happiness is so heartbreaking to you?" "I'll get right on those prayers?" Or maybe a simple, "thanks for the concern, as always." But the truth is, none of those responses really explain how I feel. 

Because the truth is, I don't really know what I feel about it. Yes, there is still hurt and anger and sadness, and perhaps what I'm feeling is some blending of all of those things. But I think beneath even all of that there is disappointment. Disappointment that even now, when the world seems to be ending, she is more wedded to her principles than our relationship. Disappointment that I meant so little, or so it seems. Disappointed that she would rather die clinging to her version of the truth than live with my version of it.

There was a time when my mother and were thick as thieves. In fact, we even called ourselves the Gilmore Girls. My parents had just gotten divorced and every Wednesday night was Mr. Wong's Chinese Take Out and every Friday night was pizza and a Blockbuster movie. It was us against the world. But for the past few years its felt like us against each other. And now it's all coming to a head. Growing up and having hard conversations with family is just a part of life some times. I know that. We all know that. But what I wouldn't give to go back to Blockbuster days or to feel the hot sticky wing sauce dripping down to my elbows as we sat giggling across a booth from each other at our favorite Italian place after tennis practice.

In a few weeks a deeply important holiday will be here - Easter. And for the first time in my entire life, I may not be spending that holiday with my family. At least not the one I am related to by blood. Be it travel restrictions, or our own pride, it just might not happen this year. And for some reason, this upsets me even more.

But, I guess just like the rest of the world right now, all we can do is wait and take it one day at a time. Until then, I'll be here waiting and hoping for brighter days. Maybe one day we can go back to the days of Gilmore Girls. Or maybe, hopefully, we can build something even better. 

"Whoever does not love does not know God. Because God is love." - 1 John 4:8

 


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